Now I’m floating like a butterfly, stinging like a bee I earned my stripes, I went from zero, to my own hero.
Before Easter, I came to realise that I’m not really that submissive anymore. I’ve thought about that quite a lot when working hard on the boat, working out and leading a great life as Sir T’s lady. Having been a subbie for most of my life, I have reaped all the benefits in the sense that I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong, I find it easy to apologize, fearing neither guilt nor shame. Also, I’m great at reading other people’f needs, feelings and state of minds. Only, now I’m not putting those needs in front of my own that often.
One interesting thing with taking command of my life and actions is how quickly people grow accustomed to me being able to get the job done all by myself. Formerly, I didn’t have to do that much to earn other people’s praise. Now I work really hard, producing great results, without praise since it is expected of me. I love great expectations.
And that’s when I understand why many choose to be submissive, or for that matter, playing the part of someone who cannot be counted on to preform well in a group. It is frightening when people count on you. When they expect great things from you. When you don’t get the gratification you formerly got as the poor little baby not being able to do much at all. Those people, myself included for many years, see their submission as one big comfort zone, enjoying the safety of other people, i e a dominant, making all the important decisions for them.
As for me, I want to make my own decisions. Now I have enough faith in my ability to preform well to stand tall.
Sir T and I have made an important decision as equals that brings us closer together than ever. I cannot wait to build this new dream with him. Yet I must warn you, dear reader. I might not have that much time to post. Since I know it is expected of me, however, I will do my very best.
Have a great spring.
